I totally stole this blog....b/c it's awesome! Thanks Courtney!

My friend, Courtney, wrote a great blog the other day!  It said everything I've wanted to say (except fill in "daughter" where she put "son") but haven't had the time or mental concentration to do so.  Luckily, she apparently has!  YAY!  Her and her husband brought home their son from Uganda in the fall...their story has been so beautiful to follow!  I'm so glad that my adoption coordinator set us up....she's a blessing!!  Enjoy!

Reflecting on 2010

Well, if you are reading this...it looks like God has blessed you with another year - like me!  That is great news, right?  I've never been real big on resolutions - though I do like the fresh new start that comes with another year. It feels almost like a do-over.  Another opportunity to be better at what I am doing...in every aspect of my life.  I often try so hard...and then feel bad that I didn't succeed as much as I thought I was supposed to.  This year is a little bit different.  I still like the fresh, new start we get with another new year.  In fact...I am going to embrace it. However, this year, more than ever, I am also going to look back at the year that was 2010.  WHAT A YEAR. I had no idea where it would take us last January.  And look at where we are!!!  God is so incredibly amazing...and I am a fool if I think that I can even begin to figure out what and where and who I will be in December of 2011.  So, with this fresh, new start...I am going to try REALLY hard NOT TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT.  I am going to REALLY try to live one day at a time.  Appreciate that day.  Challenges and all.

Reflecting on the past year, I have learned the following lessons about myself (of course this is just a few of many):
1.  I don't know much of anything.
2.  I LOVE my daily shower.  I love to let the water drip into my mouth and flood it and spit it out.  LOVE it.
3.  I have too much stuff.
4.  I have too short of  a fuse.
5.  I am uncomfortable.
6.  I am changing...growing...being molded.
7.  I am learning who God wants me to be.
8.  I am appreciating that this life is only temporary.  And praise God for his son and the fact that I get eternity in heaven.
9.  I have the most amazing children.  REALLY.  They are so...inspiring...determined....smiley...beautiful...everything I want to be.
10.  I have an incredible husband - who is the head of our household...and I am happy about it.
11.  I have been blessed with an open minded, accepting, loving, beautiful family that I wouldn't change for anything.
12.  I am rich.
13.  I REALLY love coffee.  A LOT.  Ok...maybe I already knew that, but I am reminded over and over!
14.  My friends are more like family.
15.  People love us so much.  They loved us enough to help us bring our son home.  That is A LOT of love. And time.  And donations.  And PRAYER.  People made a difference in our lives.   They did things they didn't have to do.   Went out of their way.  Made a WORLD of difference to us.  They are and will always be a part of our family.
As you can see...some of these lessons have been BIG ones and some have been smaller.  Some have impacted my life forever and some have always been an impact on my life.  Perhaps the biggest thing I have learned and come to appreciate was toward the end of this year and it is this:  GOD DID NOT PUT ME HERE TO BE HAPPY OR CONTENT.  I can't find peace in this world.  I am not going to feel "accomplished" or like I have gotten where he wants me to be.  And I don't need to.  But, what I CAN rest in is the fact that if I am uncomfortable...feeling stretched at all ends...almost desperate...then I am right where my amazing God wants me to be.  THIS IS WHERE I GROW THE MOST.  I get lost in the day to day.  In the easy stuff.  Where I am FORCED to find peace in God is at the times where I can't handle it on my own.
When I first realized this it kinda freaked me out...like who wants to live the rest of their life in strife?  Isn't there really an easy button?  But, now I really can kind of feel great about it.  God is using me.  THAT IS WHAT THIS LIFE IS ABOUT.  I am not always sure what he is using me for...but he is with me always.  And HE IS ALL I NEED.  When I live life for HIM...I am able to really appreciate the blessings that come with every day.  And instead of living happy...I get to LIVE.  Really...LIVE.  It is so different.  And so much better.
I like who I am today. Wife.  Stressed.  Mom.  Flawed.  Daughter.  Overwhelmed.  Sister.  Laughing.  Friend.  Loving.  Person.  Caring.  I have the rest of my life to work on me - or rather to let God have his way with me.  I know that He has big plans for the rest of the years to come.  I am so excited about it.  I hope every person reading this (and those who aren't), realize that God has GREAT PLANS FOR YOU TOO.  You may have NO IDEA what kind of things he is planning on doing with you in 2011.  Please let me know if I can pray for anything specific.  My email is to the right of my posts.
I would love to leave you with pics...but our computer is a bit of a mess right now and I can't download them.  So...hang tight...more to come soon!
Happy New Year!  May your  2011 be as wrecked and beautiful as our 2010 was!  God bless!

Merry Christmas to us!! We got an Embassy date!

On December 23rd, I got the call from Tonya that we had an embassy date...and a fast one!  January 13, 2011....yay!!!  No better gift than to know that Audra Grace Selam Koen is coming HOME for the new year!  Unfortunately, this did not leave much notice with airline tickets, which turned out to be very expensive!  Because of this, Matt (my hero) is going half way around the world all by himself to bring our daughter home.  I am so proud of his willingness to do this, but also incredibly sad that I will not get to go back to Ethiopia.  Who know...this may be the last chance I ever have to go.  But, we are trying to think with our brains and not our hearts and him going without me is the best logical option.  Matt leaves Sunday Jan. 9th and will be home Saturday Jan. 15th.  Please keep us all in your prayers that week, especially Matt and Audra!  For her to handle the adjustment and flight well with her daddy.  I will be a nervous, anxious wreck that week until they are home, but will certainly survive!  I wish I had the appropriate words to let Audra know how excited (that's not even a strong enough word) we are to have her complete our family...the hole in my heart for her will be filled and be whole!  Thank you, Jesus!  He placed this burden on our hearts for adoption, has brought us through this faithfully, and we thank Him for creating her just for us!!!

DADDY IS COMING, BABY GIRL!!!  only 13 more days until you are with him!!!  ....just so you know, you've got the BEST daddy in the world!  he loves you SO much!

Last Day in Addis....written from the plane.

12/9/2010

Wednesday

We woke up Wednesday dreading it and ready for it all at the same time.  It was the day we had to leave Audra halfway around the world, but it was also the day we got to get home to the boys….well, we will get home to them tonight.  We’ve been awake for 38 hours at this point and have been on a plane for 12.5 hours will over 5 to go.  Being on a plane for this long, I’ve discovered isn’t so scary, but just makes me want to lose my mind b/c you can’t move!  I’d give anything to be 5” tall and 100 lbs right now! 

Wednesday morning we got up early and went up to Entoto Mountain, where there is a palace, St. Mary’s Orthodox Christian Church, a museum, and nice fresh air!  It was a good break from the crazy pollution in Addis. (I held a mask over my face most of the time b/c all the pollution burned my throat and made me a little nauseous).  We had a great tour of the things up there, but were not allowed to go into the church.  I really wanted to, though, b/c there were some nice drum beats coming from in there!

We went back down the mountain, often following donkeys carrying huge loads of hay running down the mountain with someone running after them.  There were also women on the side of the road picking up dried eucalyptus leaves….not quite sure what they were going to do with them, but they were working really hard. 

On our way down the mountain, apparently it wore our driver’s poor old Toyota Corolla out b/c he had to pull over and change the spark plugs.  Poor guy!  I was just impressed that he not only had extras in his trunk, but that he just changed them right there on the side of the road!  After he was finished and the car wasn’t dying anymore, we went to the Alert Leper Compound to buy some handmade items from there.  There was not tons to choose from, but it was all beautiful and we knew our money was staying there to help out the women who were literally sitting in the yard sewing these beautiful things.  We then went back down to Churchill Street for a few more goodies and then headed to see our girl!!!

It was a rough afternoon with her.  We were trying so hard to enjoy it, but crying on and off b/c we didn’t want to leave her sweet little face….AT ALL!!!  But it was sweet b/c every time I was crying, she would just smile and grab my face, like she was trying to tell me it was ok.  Oh, how I love that baby! 

We probably totally broke her schedule b/c I never took her in for her nap, but just held her outside while she slept.  I did have to take her in a feeding time…she was crying with me.  Apparently I was doing it wrong!  The nanny said “you feed her too slow.  Have to feed her fast!”  and she was right!  She started shoveling it in her mouth and Audra was a happy girl again.  Then, 5 o’clock came and it was time to hand her over.  RIPPED OUR HEARTS OUT!!!  The nanny just kept saying “Don’t cry.  She’s ok.  You be back in one month.  Please don’t cry.”  Oh, how I hope she’s right!!!!  (b/c I’m sitting here bawling on the plane as I type this)

This is one of the sweet nannies a the transition house.  They truly love the babies!!!

8 o’clock rolled around quickly and Dawit, our driver  (I was calling him David al week.  Oops!) was there to take us to that crazy airport again!  Ugh.  Leaving at 11:30pm is rough.  I truly hope we have him again when we got back to get her…he was a very nice guy! 

I’m so thankful for our time in Addis Ababa.  I’ll try to write more about lessons learned later, but right now I’m too much of a mess to do that.  Seeing what you see there takes a little time to process, but I know one thing is for sure….Addis Ababa, Ethiopia changed us and for that, we are thankful.

Addis Ababa - Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday

12/7/10

Sunday, Monday and TUESDAY!!!

Sunday morning we got up and went to the International Evangelical Church, which was very cool.  Not Ethiopian at all, but cool.  The pastor was a guy from North Carolina and it was a typical American service, but the crowd was not the typical crowd I’m used to seeing in church and I absolutely LOVED that!  I think that’s what heaven is going to look like…all different colors singing in all different accents.  It was great!  After church we went to visit Audra for the whole afternoon.  Such a sweetie!  She was very bright eyed and seemed to really enjoy our attention.  

Didn’t seem to mind being held all afternoon, which was fine with us!  At 5pm, they had a little coffee ceremony.  Nothing fancy…just gathered us and another family from Kentucky in a room where they where brewing coffee and then served it with popcorn sprinkled with sugar.  SOOOO delicious!  Then it was time for us to hand her over so they could get all the babies ready for bed.  Great day!

Monday morning we paid a little visit to Faith Orphanage, the place that took Audra in and took good care of her.  This was truly an experience I will never forget, even if I tried.  It was a very nice place and they do the best they can, but seeing that many babies without families does awful things to your heart.  I wanted all of them.   I wanted to call everyone I know and tell them to send in an application b/c these babies need mommies and daddies.  We need to do more.  The director took us down to the kindergarten room, he said something and they all stood and sang us a welcome song.  It was beautiful.  Then they got back to business, which was a little boy leading the others in reciting the ABC’s, holding a stick and pointing to each letter on the wall.  It was so amazing to listen to…Matt recorded it a little bit on his phone.  Nothing better happen to that phone! We also gave that class suckers before we left…it was like we were handing them gold.    After the orphanage, we went to Churchill Street and did some fun shopping!  Got some scarves and purses and baby dresses for Audra and some knifes for the boys (not my choice of gifts…you can guess who bought those) and little toy balls with the Amharic alphabet on them.  The huge downer, but reality, to the shopping trip was the little boy who begged me the whole time.  He waited outside of each shop for us and kept asking for my shoes.  My big size 11’s wouldn’t have done him any good.  He held on to our driver’s car as we drove away.  Wrecks you!

Tuesday (today) was our court appearance.  Gosh, I was suddenly nervous.  I hadn’t worried much about it b/c of all the blogs saying it was not big deal, but it suddenly became a very BIG deal!  Our appointment was at 9am, we went into the judge (a beautiful, soft spoken women) at 9:45 and were done in about 3 minutes.  It ended with her quietly saying “Congratulations, she’s yours.”  Oh what a happy moment!!!

 We celebrated by going to Kaldi’s Coffee (a Starbucks replica) for a mocha frapuccino and a mocha cappuccino…our driver had an orange Fanta.  Ha!  It was so fun!  We had outside and just soaked up being in Addis Ababa, glowing from being new parents again.  

After coffee, we changed and went for a visit with Audra for a couple of hours.  We sat outside and took some really cute “you’re officially ours” pictures.  Then she got sleepy, so I went and put her in her crib and we came back to the hotel to rest for a while.  

Tonight we are going to Yod Abyssinia, which is a traditional Ethiopian restaurant.  I’m pretty excited about it!  Our driver is going to join us so he can tell us about everything on our plates…I’m kinda nervous about the food. 

****The restaurant was amazing!!!  Matt really enjoyed his food (shocker!)…tongue was his favorite meat, and there were a couple of things I thought were good, too.  Not the meat, though.  I actually enjoyed the coffee and popcorn the best.  

This is Matt's plate.  Mine was no where near this full!!

The dancers and the band were so cool!  They played authentic instruments, had great singers who can do some crazy things with their vocal chords, and some dancers that can do things with there necks and shoulders that aren’t natural!  At one point, the announcer said something about the next dance being from a certain region, which is the region Audra is from!  I’m so glad our driver was with us b/c he recognized the name and said, “this is where your baby is from, so video this!” and we did!  He was so helpful all week! 

This is Dawit, our driver.  I didn't know his name was Dawit until after he 

gave us his business card when we left.  Saturday when he introduced 

himself, I thought he said David....so poor thing, I called him David all week.

He never corrected me.  Hope we have him on our next trip!!

This has been a great trip and I’m not sure now I feel about leaving tomorrow.  The people God calls here to do his work must be very tough skinned!

Addis Ababa day 1

Good morning from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia!  We had a good nights sleep last night and we needed it!  Friday night we only slept about 5 hours after being up for 36….needless to say, Matt was falling asleep sitting up while visiting with the baby yesterday.  Jet lag is no joke!!!  Suddenly jumping ahead 9 hours after watching the sun set, rise, and set again from planes is strange!

We woke up yesterday in awe that we had actually made it here!  When we got here Friday night, it was about 9:30pm so we couldn’t see the city….waking up yesterday and opening the curtains to the massive windows in our hotel room was amazing! 

The mountains in the distance are so beautiful, but they are quickly covered up by the haze.  We had a good breakfast here at the hotel….coffee is SOOOO good!  Thick and black, but not bitter at all!  Matt was shocked that I like it.  

Our driver/translator/bodyguard, David, was to arrive at 10:00am to take up to meet our baby and my goodness, I don’t know if the clock ever crept by as slow as it did to 10:00!  But, he was right on time and off we went.  We went down this little alley and he pulled up to a tall gate….every house has a tall solid fence around it with a gate entry.  Our driver knocked on the gate and this cute old man opened the door and into the courtyard we went, where all these little kids were playing.  

Our baby is already at the transition house and has been for two month, which we did not know but were happy about.  The kids at the transition house already have families waiting on them, which is so comforting.  We went into a little office where they told us they would go tell the nannies we were here to see her.  She was sleeping, so they had to wake her up….I felt kinda bad about that!  Then, just like that, she said, “ok, you can go see your baby!”  We walked into the infant room and there she was, being held by a sweet nanny just beaming as she handed her over to me!  (gosh, now I’m crying again!)  She looked just like the picture I have shown so many of you since August!  So beautiful…huge eyes, beautiful skin, a little bit of curly soft hair, and SOOOOO tiny!!!  She was wearing a newborn outfit!  I was shocked. 

The scale there is broken, but I’m guessing she is about 10 pounds at 7 months old.  Also, the first thing this mommy felt was the serious rattle in her chest as I had my hands around her tiny body and her breathing sounded like a slow cat purr.  After a few minutes, I said something to the nanny about it, and she went and got the nurse/doctor that is there everyday but Sunday.  She listened to her and said she definitely has fluid in her lungs and immediately went and got her an antibiotic to start her on twice a day.  I was so relieved.  I just couldn’t believe she was finally in my arms!  She was so good and definitely fine with us loving her to pieces.  We weren’t there 30 minutes and she was already sleeping again while Matt was holding her.  It was so amazing!!!  

She is so beautiful!!!  ….and I’m not just being biased!  They let us take her outside for some “just us” time and it was wonderful.  She loves being outside and looking at everything. 

We stayed for a couple of hours and then let her eat and take a nap, while we went to get some lunch….yummy pizza….and went driving around looking for an electrical converter. (side note – we have not had good luck with our electrical converters – we’ve burned up two of the 220 to 110 boxes, our fan, and my beloved flat iron.  Looks like it frizzy hair and pony tails for me for the rest of the week!)  Driving around in this city is beyond overwhelming!  I thought the plane ride would be scary….that wasn’t anything compared to the driving in this city!!  There are no traffic rules….it’s just kind of a free-for-all and whoever pushes ahead first, much to the other driver’s dismay, you win the right to go first.  Oh my!!!  Everyone is honking at everyone, people just walk right out into the street without looking for cars….it’s like slowing down or yielding shows weakness or something.

 And there are NO seatbelts for Matt and I in the driver’s car!  After a while, all the beggers and mothers on the street with their babies was really getting to me….I was ready to get out of that car and back to the transition house.  I know it’s the reality here and I want to experience it, but goodness it’s sad.  But the people are so beautiful, though and I’m so glad we are here! 

Today, we are going to the International Evangelical Church….the pastor is apparently from North Carolina.  Then we will change and grab a quick lunch, then it’s off for more baby girl time!!!  YAY!!!

Court is at 9:00am Tuesday morning….12am Texas time.  Please be in prayer for that before you go to bed Monday night, that all would go well and hopefully we will be able to pass that same day.  It’s very common for people to not pass on their court date due to any little reason, but is usually resolved quickly and without the family having to be here.  Oh, but it would be nice to hear the judge say “she is yours!” on Tuesday!

We love you all and can feel you prayers!  Thank you so much!!  Please keep them coming. We miss the boys like crazy, but know they are in good hands with Honey.  I’m off to breakfast and to get ready for church! 

….baby girl, you are everything and more than we dreamed of.  You are were meant for us….our gift from God.  Thank you for the few sweet little smiles and for letting us love on you.  We are so blessed to be yours!!!

God Danced the Day You Were Born!!!

Yes, I know this picture is mean!  HA!  On the other side of this bear is a picture of our beautiful girl....but I can't show her to you yet!  But, I wanted to show you this bear.  Matt and I found this bear in a Hallmark store somewhere in Texas (can't remember where) before we were married.  I just loved it so much and knew I had to have it!!!  Of course, I got the pink one because I was absolutely certain I would have girls!  No boys.  Well, most of you know how that turned out!  Yes, all of my boys have played with this bear that I have kept in my trunk for 11 years when I've opened it for something, they have seen it and wanted to play with it, so I let them.  But every time one of my boys played with it, I thought "That was supposed to be for my girl!"  Please don't misunderstand me, I ADORE all my boys and wouldn't trade any of them! (most of the time! ha!)  

I just love the saying on it!!  "God danced the day you were born!"  I just think of our big heavenly Father rejoicing every time one of His precious creations, that he hand molded, comes to life!  Our baby girl is no different.  Just because she wasn't born in what we considered "normal" circumstances (actually, we have no idea what her story is right now) she was still NO accident to the Creator.  She was perfectly planned by Him.  And He danced the day she was born just like He danced the days my sons were born.  I wish I had some clue what I was doing on her birthday, but I don't.  I know I was thinking to call my best friend, Laura, the next day because that is her birthday!  Other than that, I'm sure it was just another regular day.  But, God was dancing!  He knew he had created this little girl just for our family.  I'm so thankful for that.  I never knew how much you could fall head over heals in love with someone you had never touched or talked to or kissed or loved on until now.  It's called grace....one of her middle names.  

Many times over the years I would see this bear and think I just needed to go ahead and get rid of it...it was just taking up space in my trunk.  Well, guess what!?!?  I get to take this bear to my DAUGHTER in just 5 short days and tell her about how happy I am that she was born!!  

Mommy is coming baby girl!  I love you!!!!

3 weeks from today!

So, in exactly three weeks from today we will be taking a little flight (HA!  26 hours of travel – from Amarillo to Houston, Houston to Frankfurt, Germany, and Frankfurt to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia) to meet the most beautiful baby girl I’ve ever seen!  Of course, I’ve only seen one picture of her, but I can definitely tell based off that one picture, she is perfection!  Trust me, after we meet her December 4^th, there will be TONS of pictures taken of her!  I can’t wait to get to show her to all of you!

All of the wondering about her and what she is like will come to an end, and I’m SO excited about that!  To finally meet the little girl I have known would be mine for so long.  I know to her we will just be funny looking strangers, but for us seeing her will be a LONG dream finally coming true.  We realize she may not like us at first and that she may be scared of us, but we hope to convince her that we are hers….we belong to her.  She finally has a family of her own.  She is rescuing us from our burden.  Oh my word, I’m so excited! Thank you Jesus for making this prayer of ours come true! 

I can’t say I feel very prepared for the trip.  Matt and I have never left the good ol’ USA, so this is quite a leap!  Matt is super pumped about the LONG travel…me, not so much.  Truth be told, I have bad flying anxiety.  Please pray for me about this.  There is just something unsettling about being roughly 35,000 feet in the air in a big tube with wings for 20 hours. I know thousands of people do it every day and it will be ok, but the thought of it just makes me so nervous.  I’ve been doing a lot of praying about this and working on giving my fears over to Him.

My thoughts lately, have been seriously scattered. I don’t feel like I am able to focus of things very well.  At night, the house chores have been somewhat neglected because I’m too busy reading the blogs of people who have recently either made their first trip to Ethiopia or have already brought their babies home.  I just want to try and get all the info I can, but I have a feeling none of that is going to prepare me for what we will see and experience while we are there.  I’ve read a lot about all the children that beg in the streets….I don’t think my heart is ready to see that.  I’m not ready to go to the orphanage and see all those babies just waiting on someone to take that leap of faith and adopt them….I KNOW my heart isn’t ready to see that.  Quite frankly, I’m afraid of being a crying, weak mess the entire time I’m there.  I’ve really got to find my game face.  I don’t have one of those at all.  I need waterproof mascara…any suggestions of a good brand?

Things to pray for….

1.    - Safe travels with smooth skies and on-time flights

2.     -Meeting our baby girl

3.     -Our court date on Dec. 7^th…that all will go well and we will officially be hers…and she will be ours!

4.     -Leaving our sweet baby on Dec. 8^th….pray that she will somehow feel we are coming back for her.

5.     -That our embassy date (second trip) will be sometime in mid January and we will be able to go back for her as quickly as possible

6.     -That we will have enough funds to make all this happen.

7.     -That our hearts will be ready to love on and show Jesus to as many of His little creations as we can.

8.     -That others may feel drawn toward loving orphans, adoption, and caring for them.